Elizabeth Anne VanderPutten - Telling Tales Out of School

Telling Tales Out of School is a continuing series of humorous little incidents in the lives of the VanderPutten family.
A Darwin Awards Entry
By Jean Pollack 
Yesterday, while looking for something that George, the cat, had taken from the dining room table, I noticed that the doily that usually sits on the back of the couch in the den was on the floor behind the couch. 

To retrieve it, I climbed on to the couch and reached behind, but discovered that my arms were too short. So, I popped the mechanism of the recliner, thinking that as the foot of the recliner rose, the back would drop down and I would have more clearance and a shorter distance to reach. 

But I still couldn't reach it so I gave up and brought my arm up, but as I withdrew the arm, somehow equilibrium had set in, because as I moved my hand up my body leaned on the couch toward the feet and my arm became wedged between the couch and the wall and I could not free it. It was very tight. No matter what I tried, it just got worse. 

Bob was upstairs in his office, so I screamed HONEY!!! at the top of my lungs, for several minutes, but he apparently couldn't hear me. I thought of sending Banjo upstairs, but he was upset with my screaming and he had no idea what was happening (actually, he is no Lassie and wouldn't have been much help anyway). 

I wasn't near the phone and had no idea what to do. Finally after about another minute of screaming, Bob came downstairs. He had heard me, but thought it was a kid screaming outside. He had to move the couch, because by that time my arm had begun to swell. 

After is was over, I could laugh at it. But I was upset during the ordeal. I have a very bruised elbow and my back is sore from my contortions. Bob regrets we don't have a video camera. 

Moral of the story: Don't do something stupid when you are alone. These are moments to share.


April 5, 2002