Elizabeth Anne VanderPutten - Family Wit

For generations, humor has been a hallmark of the VanderPutten family. At the turn of the 21st century, Thomas J. VanderPutten started a CyberPutten conversation with Elizabeth Anne VanderPutten, Jean VanderPutten Pollack, and Elizabeth Zapp following the theme, "Remembering Pappy." Humor was a trait noted by all.
A Case of VanderPutten Family Wit
On May 29, 2001, Elizabeth initiated a CyberPutten game designed to see just how clever each could be. She posted the following, to which family members contributed their wit. By 3:22 PM EST, they had compiled this incredible display of mental agility.
Replying To An Invitation To A Scientists' Ball: 

Pierre and Marie Curie were radiating enthusiasm. 
Einstein thought it would be relatively easy to attend. 
Volta was electrified, and Archimedes was buoyant at the thought. 
Ampere was worried he wasn't up to current research. 
Ohm resisted the idea at first. 
Boyle said he was under too much pressure. 
Edison thought it would be an illuminating experience. 
Watt reckoned it would be a good way to let off steam. 
Stephenson thought the whole idea was loco. 
Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orville could get a flight. 
Dr Jekyll declined -- he hadn't been feeling himself lately. 
Morse's reply: "I'll be there on the dot. Can't stop now must dash." 
Heisenberg was uncertain if he could make it. 
Hertz said he planned the future to attend with greater frequency. 
Henry begged off due to a low capacity for alcohol. 
Audubon said he'd have to wing it. 
Hawking said he'd try to string enough time together to make a space in his schedule. 
Darwin said he'd have to see what evolved. 
Schrodinger had to take his cat to the vet, or did he? 
Mendel said he'd put some things together and see what came out. 
Descartes said he'd think about it. 
Newton was moved to attend. 
Pavlov was drooling at the thought. 
Gauss was asked to attend because of his magnetic personality 

Richard VanderPutten immediately asked:

Did Eli Whitney offer to bring some Gin ?

Thomas VanderPutten reported:

They couldn't get a hold of Alexander Bell; the phone was out.

John Vander-Putten added thoughtfully:

Mendelev said "Although I periodically go to these affairs, I'm quite busy right now and will have to table the invitation"

Jean VanderPutten Pollack observed:

Dr Carl Landsteiner (discovered the four main blood types) said, "It makes my blood boil to have to go to these formal affairs, but my wife, AB loves them."

John Vander-Putten mused:

...and of course Colt said "Shoot!, I never miss an opportunity to mingle with other inventors of such high caliber"

Jean VanderPutten Pollack noted that:

Clarence Birdseye says he "freezes" at these affairs.

Thomas VanderPutten digressed:

That reminds me.. Did I ever tell you about the time that I applied for a job at the circus as the "Man shot from the cannon." I didn't get the job because they were looking for a man of a different caliber.

Richard VanderPutten returned to the serious humor of the moment.

L.E. Waterman wrote back with his acceptance.

Thomas VanderPutten added a bit of humor:

John Crapper had to stink on it.

John VanderPutten Pollack noted:

Bill Gates got two invitations (or was that dos invitations?)

Jean added

Krog (the inventor of the wheel) said "As soon as I figure out what to do with this thing I'll be there".

Grog (inventor of fire) said to his wife "Come on baby, let's light up the town"

Then Jean added

Sigmund Freud said I had a dream about an invitation to a ball. What does this have to do about sex?

And as an after thought Jean punned:

Freud got the invitation, but couldn't remember where he put id.

John Vander-Putten reported that

Marie Curie came back from the party with a glowing review by the way....

Meg VanderPutten reflected:

Plato would prefer to inquire as to the fundamental nature of this party rather than actually attend.

Elizabeth Anne VanderPutten, who started this line of query, added

Pavlov said he wasn't conditioned to go, Carl Rogers asked if you thought he should go, and Atkins wanted to know if carbohydrates would be served?

Jean VanderPutten Pollack rejoined

Fulton was "steamed" that he didn't get and invitation.

Richard VanderPutten came right back

Will Rogers said he never met a party he didn't like.

Philo T Pharnsworth said he would watch it on TV.

Jean VanderPutten Pollack fired off:

Cornelius Vanderbilt will get there by train, Mr. Firestone will bounce right over, and  Michelangelo is too damned busy to go.

John Vander-Putten mused:

Descartes said: "I think . . . I'll have a good time, therefore . . . I am . . . going to the party"

Richard VanderPutten, perhaps sensing a certain tiring, suggested:

When asked if he could make it, the Marquis De Sade said, "Beats Me!"

Laurie VanderPutten Loken, upon being invited to join in, replied:

I can't get a word in edgewise here…nor would I want to enter this fray. With all this medication in me, your rapier like minds would slice me to bits!

But Martha VanderPutten Moss had the last word:

You guys are killing me!